Tag: Power

What You Should Know About A Controlling Person

by Bright Osadiaye, posted in Motivational Quotes, Personal Development

Freedom is life. It is everything. If you are not free, you are not living. Freedom is more than just walking around.

Freedom is when you have the power to control your life, when you have the courage to do what you love to do. Freedom is when you are comfortable with yourself. It is not when you are under the control of another person.

A controlling person, according to Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, ‘often feels stronger when he makes his partner feel powerless and ashamed.’

‘A controlling person asserts power by setting rules and micromanaging his partner’s everyday life.’

‘A controlling man might accuse his partner of flirting or being involved sexually with friends or coworkers.’

‘A controlling person feels threatened when his partner’s life doesn’t revolve entirely around his own.’

‘A controlled person cannot reach her full potential.’

‘A controlling man tries to become the only authority in the house and encourages children to disrespect their mother.’

‘The controlling person defines reality. If he says it’s ‘love,’ then it’s ‘love,’ even if it feels like control.’

‘A controlling person communicates: ‘If you cared about us a couple, you wouldn’t make problems.’ Women keep silent to avoid making waves.’

‘Controlling people often consider themselves victims, evoking their partner’s pity and compassion.’

‘It is difficult for controlling men to change, But staying the same is also difficult.’

No matter what you are going through in your life, remember that ‘you are the one who decides how much is too much.’

As always, you are not a victim; you are a victor. Stay safe!

Further Reading:

Lisa Aronson Fontes, PhD (2015). Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship

Are You Willing To Be Vulnerable?

by Bright Osadiaye, posted in Personal Development, Personal Growth

Vulnerability is everything. It is not easy, but without it, we are not going to grow. Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It shows that you are willing to grow. It shows that you are willing to face your own reality, to attract great things into your life.

When you are willing to be vulnerable, it means you are willing to accept what is. It means you are not trying to change what you cannot change. It means you are willing to learn more about the world around you.

When you are vulnerable, things get better. Your relationship with yourself gets better. Your relationships with other people get better. And your emotional life gets better.

Unless you are willing to be vulnerabe in your life, according to Iyanla Vanzant, ‘… you will not be equipped to deal with the reactions of those you will meet when you get there. Unless you are willing to be vulnerable, to make mistake, to be taken advantage of, to look stupid, to fall down and stumble when you are trying to get up, you will not know how durable or dependable you are.’

If you really want to know what you are capable of, what you can do with the power that God has given to you, you must be willing to be vulnerable.

You must be willing to look stupid. You must be willing to try and fail. You must be willing to be yourself, no matter what is going on in your life. You must be willing to face your mistakes. You must be willing to be there for yourself, even when no one is there to support you. And you must be willing to be your ‘real Self.

The question is, ‘Are you willing to look stupid? Are you willing to be your real Self? Are you willing to face your own reality, to admit what you do not know? If you are, you are willing to learn, to grow, and to share. Congratulations!