Dealing With Difficult People

‘Understand that everyone behaves differently to you.’

‘Welcome the differences around you, and only see them as a problem when they are a barrier to results.’

‘Keep asking: are you on the same wavelength as others?’

‘If you are to bring about successful change, study the change process?’

‘Be assertive yourself and encourage the same behavior in others.’

‘Look what’s behind the behaviour before you decide how to respond.’

‘How well do you manage your own emotions and emotions of others?

‘Know yourself if you are to work successfully with others.’

‘For others to have confidence in you, develop your own confidence.’

‘To understand yourself better, ask how others perceive you.’

‘Before you can influence others, first see the world from their perspective.’

‘Form a clear, specific view of the difficult person before tackling the problem.’

‘Ask yourself how people are different to you before you try to change things.’

‘If you want people to change, appeal to what turns them on.’

‘Seek to be trusted before you seek to persuade or change.’

‘If you want to work harmoniously with people, allow for cultural differences.’

‘Is your leadership there to see?’

‘Unless you want to be at everybody else’s mercy, start with the end in mind.’

‘Use measures of success as a regular tool to motivate those around you.’

‘Reward anyone doing the things that drive the organization forward.’

‘Will you reinforce the behaviours that you want to see?’

‘Whatever your position, communicate, communicate, communicate.’

‘Don’t rush to apportion blame. Do the diagnosis to find the real problem.’

‘Ask yourself- what is stopping the task from getting done?’

‘Be aware of the unwritten agreements that exist in the workplace.’

‘Be aware of the value of a third party for offering and objective view.’

‘Accept that different types are needed in a successful team.’

‘Treat feedback to you as an opportunity for you to overcome obstacles.’

‘Recognize that how you say something and your body language are often more important than the words themselves.’

‘Put a bit of thought into any meeting where you anticipate difficulty with someone.’

‘Join in with other people’s ‘dances’ if you want to communicate with them.’

‘Aim to ‘express your concern’ rather than ‘complain’.’

‘Before you seek to influence, ask yourself, who has the power?’

‘Make learning a shared experiences in order to develop good relationships.’

‘Take time to understand their situation before you label someone difficult.’

‘Check the symptoms and root causes before you decide how to approach your problem person.’

‘If you want good relationships with those around you, get alongside each other!’

Source:

David Brown (2011). The Art and Science of Dealing with Difficult People