‘If the talks were going well, I would hear something very different. Instead of dwelling on the past, the talks would focused on the present and the future. Instead of harping on what was wrong, the negotiators would be discussing what could be done. Instead of attacking one another, they would be attacking the problem jointly.‘
‘Constructive conflict is the foundation of human growth.’- Claire Hajaj
‘The real problem is not conflict but rather the destructive way we deal with it.’
‘What if we were to focus on transforming conflict? To transform simply means to change the form of conflict- from destructive fighting into productive conflict and constructive negotiation.’
‘Transforming conflict … means transforming the way we deal with one another and our differences. It means transforming our relationships. Agreements are finite and often transactional; they come and go. Transformation is ralational and can continue long into the future. Agreements are outcomes; transformation is a process.’
‘The possibilist mindset is a curious, creative, and collaborative way of engaging with our dfferences in these divided times.’
‘The balcony is a place of calm and perspective where we can keep our eyes on the prize.’
‘Transforming conflict is an inside-out process. On the path to possible, the work within– the work with ourselves- precedes the work between– the work with others. The first-person work prepares the way for the second-person work.’
‘The biggest obstacle to getting what I want is not the difficult person on the other side of the table; it is the person on this side of the table. It is me.’
‘The more we react to conflict, the bigger conflict grows. Conflicts turn destructive because each side reacts in an escalating back-and-forth that all too often ends with everyone losing.’
‘Meet animosity with curiosity.’
‘Place has power.’
‘If you have something hard to do, begin by relaxing.’
‘Pausing is the key that enables us to escape the prison of destructive conflict.’
‘The deeper we go into motivations, the more possibilities we find for transforming conflict.’
‘The greatest power we have in conflict is the power to change the game.’
‘Nobody wants to make a painful decision, but everybody loves to criticize.’
‘If you want to make it easier, start by making it harder.’
‘Don’t just build a bridge; build a golden bridge.’
‘Listening is the golden key that opens the door to human relationship, available to us at any time.’
‘Showing respect does not come from weakness or insecurity but rather from strength and confidence. Respect for the other person flows directly from respect for yourself. You give respect to the other not so much because of who they are but because of who you are.’
‘To respect simply means to give value to the other as a human being and pay positive attention to them.’
‘To create means to generate concrete options that meet the parties’ interests.’
‘Creativity offers us our greatest opportunity to open possibilities where none seem obvious. Creativity is the key to making the impossible possible.’
‘Possible does not mean easy. … Hard does not mean impossible.’
‘Possible does not mean an end to conflict. It does not mean ‘won and done.’
‘Possible does not mean a neat resolution. More often it means gradual improvements in relationships that over time can make a big difference.’
‘Possible means finding ways forward where there seem to be none. It means creating little breakthroughs that can build into bigger breakthroughs over time.’
‘Possible means gradual transformation.’
‘Possible means applying our full human potential to the conflicts surrounding us. It means using our innate capacities of curiosity, creativity, and collaboration to open to new possibilities that we had not imagined before.’
‘Possible is the new yes.’
Source
William Ury (2024). Possible: How We Thrive (and Thrive ) in an Age of Conflict
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